something's gotta give
You are at an impasse in your life.
You realize a project you’ve worked on for a long time just is not working. You realize your relationship with someone you love has reached a crisis and it is not good. You feel like a failure. You think—what have I done wrong? What is wrong with me?
Personally, I cling—I hate change. And even when the current path is not working, I hang on, hang around. I had the longest lead-up to a divorce in the western world: I would just not give up. I have dithered, not making hard decisions about creative work that must be made in order to move forward. Last week, our teacher gave a talk about these moments, a very helpful talk. In it, he went back to the story of the Buddha’s own path: especially the moment when the Buddha realized that the long, seven years of nearly killing himself with painful austerities in order to seek enlightenment were not working. At the end, as he is contemplating this sorry state, the Buddha says this of his practice: “Whatever priests or contemplatives in the present are feeling painful, racking, piercing feelings due to their striving, this is the utmost. None is greater than this. But with this racking practice of austerities I haven't attained any superior human state, any distinction in knowledge or vision worthy of the noble ones. Could there be another path to Awakening?'" http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/buddha.html
The last phrase leapt out at me in neon: “Could there be another path to Awakening?'" The Buddha did not spend a moment feeling like a personal failure. He did not think: “I am stupid and inadequate and it’s me.” No. He had faith in his ability to get there and faith in his ability to find another method. He believed in the world--that the world harbored hope. So this is my new thought: When something has changed (and you don’t like it), or something must change (because you know it’s bad for you); or something’s going to change (whether you like it or not); then “Something’s gotta give.” I am the one that has to give—I must give up or give something away; I must give it another different try. I must have the faith to try a new method and faith that I can find it.
